Specialized BicyclesCouncil Bluff successfully weeded out the men from the boys. There was a select few that braved the elements of frostbite from mid 60 temps, skin cancer from too much sunlight, retinal damage from too much starlight and the agony of the dreaded face cramp from grinning too much. Not to mention a visit from the Weird Woods People and a Honey Badger.
Where were the TRW guys?
I am confident that most of TRW had something more fun to do like getting a bikini wax, baking bread or possibly attend that macramé class that some of you have been waiting on all year. Maybe you could not get a Hall Pass. Could this have been the last 45 minute cross race of the year, that would only be a 1 ½ hour drive away at a cost of $35 to enter that would be way more fun (oh but wait, that could not be it there is a cross race every weekend); maybe it was an “Awesome Epic” taint tingling gravel road ride or could it have been the simple fact that since the beach area convenience store was closed for the season someone might have to chance running out of maxi pads. I am sure that with the new moon and all, someone was probably spotting by now or had full blown scarlet fever with lingering AMS, but enough of the coulda, woulda, shoulda’s. There is a story to be told!
Day 1, sunny, temp 64, wind 0
I arrived late-afternoon and started pitching camp, setting up the kitchen, building the shower and gathering wood. I realized that there would not be time before sundown to get a ride in. I decided that since the lake was in view I would head down to the water and try my luck at some fishing. I went right to the edge of some exposed brush (the water level was down at least 5 foot or so). I tied on a small popper and started with a couple of roll casts, when suddenly the water exploded when an 18” bass commenced to tail walking across the water. I let out a “Hell Yeah” and the fight was on. I played with him, line stripping and letting the drag sing for about a minute or so and then snap it was over. I said damn it with a smile on my face and reeled in to try again.
With that being my only popper I tied on a small jig and went to the other side of the brush and cast out again and Bam, a nice 12” crappie. I am thinking this is gonna be fun, I might get a meal out of this. I threw him on the bank and casted back to the same area and Bam, I got a 10” crappie. I got him in and tossed him on the bank and tried one more time as the sun started going down and got another 12” crappie that I just barely got in. All those fish had taken its toll on the line that broke as I tried to get the hook out. Not having a stringer handy I found a stick long enough to slide the three fish onto and decided this would be dinner (I’ll save the brats for another day). I wanted to get them cleaned before it got dark. Four casts and four fish, now this is the start of a good weekend. And so came the end of day one.
Day 2 morning temp 37, day temp 65, sunny, wind about 3 mph
A good night’s sleep and a great breakfast would start the day. I started to gear up for a ride and a couple of guys from STL (Steve and Grant) stopped to talk with some nice bikes on the roof. I knew what they had in mind. I told them I was here through Sunday and was expecting some other guys to be coming down. I was just getting ready to roll out. They mentioned they had brought some camping gear and might think of staying the night. That’s when Carey pulled up. I said why don’t’ we set up your camp when we get back, lets ride. Little did we know what The Bluff would have in store for us that day.
It wasn't long and we were soon on our way. We were blessed with what would be some of the best single track that I had rolled all year. The leaves were spectacular in color and the trail was still tacky from a rain a couple of days earlier that made conditions perfect.
With a little searching and no help from the locals (Park Rangers) we were able to find the hidden new trail section over by the rock garden that led to the top of what we found out later to be Johnson Mountain. It was a punishing, lung busting, quad searing 1.3 mile climb of pure evil excellence that I will admit had one of the most awesome views that I had ever seen in MO. It is true, you can see three counties from up there!
After ascending to the top of the plateau we were surprised to find a large section of slick rock that led to a quick discussion of how to incorporate it into just a little more trail.
We took a short break and after a quick photo op we made a 180 and bombed back down the 1+ mile long decent with but a couple of mere pedal strokes from the top. The smell of brake pads and burning quads was in the air as we held that downhill position for over 5 minutes, picking lines, jumping rocks and railing the edges of the fall line until we were back once again on the familiar Council Bluffs loop.
After making it to the Enough Boat Ramp we stopped for a quick refuel and noticed a van with what had to be an 18’ kayak on top. This thing was streamlined (maybe 18” across), stickered all to hell and obviously built for speed. It was obvious this person was one serious kayak’r. After walking to the back side of the van we saw the 6-Missouri 340 stickers on the back glass (amongst a dozen others). We said damn this guy must really take kayaking seriously. We headed out thinking we would see him in a kayak somewhere around the lake.
Just before finishing the loop that climbed back up to the camp ground we saw the first person on the trail that we had seen all day. It was a small older woman with whom we stopped to talk to. She admitted that she was a little out of her element and commented that she needed to get back to her van and switch her mountain bike for her kayak, the water was so perfect and smooth right now. We mentioned that we saw her kayak on the van and wished her good day. Later we commented on our misconception of the bad ass kayak’r guy.
After finishing the loop it was back to the campsite to set up camp, stoke the fire, take a quick shower and grill some brats. Later that evening Jack would be drank, beer would be spilt and lies would be told until it was time for bed, but not until after watching the spaghetti western Outlaw Josey Wales in surround sound. And so ends day two.
Day 3, morning temp 35, day temp 63, sunny with a 2mph wind
After a perfect night’s sleep, some campfire coffee and great breakfast, it was off the tackle Middle Fork. All I can say is damn, that is one awesome trail. About 8-miles in we ran into a couple of guys blazing the trail for next week’s Ozark 100. Yeah, that is correct, a 100 mile running race on the Ozark Trail. They mentioned that they would have competitors from 23 states and three countries doing the event. Man what an arduous race, people coming from all over the world just to run in the woods. I couldn’t help but think to myself “damn and I couldn’t get a single TRW guy to show up for what would be the most incredible camping/riding weather all year”. I am sure they had a good reason…AMS possibly. I hope it wasn’t bad.
Well back to the story.
We bid them ado and continued on to the waterfall were we encountered three hiker dudes that were camping at the falls. I had noticed before that there were the telltale signs of people camping there from time to time, but never encountered anyone. They mentioned that they had got there earlier in the day and were staying until morning.
After taking advantage of another photo op, eating a powerbar and a quick drink we turned around and headed for camp. That’s when we encountered the second bike rider (not in our group) for the weekend. Damn what a busy day, one bike rider, two runners and three back packers. It is a good thing that you guys stayed home; you probably would have complained that the trail was too crowded to ride. I know how cranky some people get when AMS pays a visit.
Upon getting back to camp after our four hour adventure it was time to start making margaritas, stoke the fire for another great bed of coals, throw on some rib eye’s, pork loin chops, sweet tators, grilled peppers and campfire beans (luckily we had brought plenty to share), in the mean time one of the STL guys decided to breakout some moonshine (damn it was good…Not!, but gave you a good buzz). (Nick it was missing the little charcol stick that your dad had in his.) More tales would be told while sitting around the campfire and listening to the coyotes sing in the back ground as we finished off a fantastic meal.
This is when some strange shit happened. Being the only group in the campground we heard some rustling in the next campground over, no lights, but just some sounds. Of all the campsites in the park and being the only ones there we thought it was a little odd someone would chose to camp right beside us. We could just make out through the brush a guy who was crumpling paper and then proceeded to start a good size fire in one of the standup grills at one of the group sites, the flames were shooting high and dancing in the darkness. Soon another person showed up and then one more. The weird part was we had ridden past that site an hour or two earlier and there were no tents, no people and no vehicles. No vehicle had come through the campground while we were there, so where did these people come from?
Later one of the guys in our group walked to the bathroom which went by these peoples campsite. When he got back he stated there is nobody over there. He had walked over to the standup grill and there was a large pile of perfectly configured charcoal briquettes just glowing bright red and not a person or thing to be found. We went over to check it out and so it was.
What a way to spend All Hallows Eve eve! We then referred to the mystery fire starters as the “Weird Woods People” for the rest of the night. I will admit that I went to the truck to get my Sig P226 before going to sleep that night. The thought crossed my mind that I could be waking up in the morning staked down to some circled pentagram as a pagan sacrifice was about to be made. Honestly the margaritas and moonshine made it pretty easy to fall asleep and forget about them when we finally went to bed. And so ended day three. Aren’t you anxious to see what tomorrow will bring?
Day 4 morning temp 34, day temp 59, cloudy, 15-20mph wind (Mother Nature knew we were leaving). After waking to find no one had been sacrificed or turned into a pumpkin we fixed breakfast, struck camp and got ready for the last ride of the weekend. We never did see the Weird Woods People again.
Before leaving the campsite I mentioned damn those TRW guys must really be having some serious AMS to be missing out on such an awesome camping trip. Hell it got down to 34 last night; that probably would have been too cold for them anyways with all that cramping going on and all. I even felt a little concerned for all the discomfort that you guys must be experiencing. Oh well back to the story. Then we were off for the last ride for the weekend, upon climbing the first hill and grabbing for a rink off my camel back I noticed something was wrong with my bite valve. It felt very rough like it had gotten burnt or something, but knew I never had it by the fire all day. After finally stopping to check it out I noticed it was covered with teeth marks. We decided that it must have been part of the “Weird Woods People” doing. Apparently they had sent a Honey Badger to get into my bike gear bag and chew off the end of my camelback straw. Upon realizing this I said “Ooh Gross, what is that? Teeth marks, Honey Badger didn’t care, Honey Badger don’t give a shit!”
So I used a chewed up bite valve for the rest of the ride. We finished the loop and it was back to the truck to load up and then head to the Spare Rib for what would be our last meal together for the weekend. Dang four days in the wilderness and the only mishap is a chewed up bite valve no crashes and not a single flat, now that is a great trip.
NEXT CAMPOUT
Next year when I am asked “Hey do you still have connections to get Council Bluffs opened? We need to do one last camping trip.” I will make sure to mention when I post the dates that I will bring extra Tampons and Midol for anyone suffering from AMS (Acute Mangina Syndrome). Perhaps this will make conditions a little more tolerable knowing that a little relief will be close at hand.
Do you think you guys will be over the cramping for the cross race next weekend?
The Mitch
So, the Mitch was the first of us to discover Johnson Mountain. Coincidence? I think not
Posted by: bob | Nov 07, 2011 at 08:00 AM
Sounds like an amazing weekend. I'm sorry I missed it. My AMS got the better of me, but I'm sure it will clear up soon. Great write-up, too!
Posted by: Luke | Nov 07, 2011 at 08:23 AM
yup...i wussed out. should've been there. sounds like a sweet time, with the exception of the woods people...freakers.
Posted by: matt | Nov 07, 2011 at 05:58 PM
you be easy on TRW. Great pics though.
Posted by: barry | Nov 08, 2011 at 08:44 PM